Posted on: Thursday, September 25th, 2014
Second marriages are becoming a normal part of our society and with that comes blended families. Statistics show that the likelihood a blended family couple will stay together are much lower than for first marriages. Why all the difficulty you ask? Well, your guess is as good as mine. Some of the reasons include the challenge of familiarity, “I have done this before and I know what to do”. A second challenge is the sometimes strong differences that each person has cultivated around family routines and what is best. Finally, there is a huge adjustment required for people who are already mature to create a shared path that accommodates everyone involved.
I recently interviewed a couple who had been working through a relationship which would have led to a second marriage for each. They had struggled a long time until finally with some counselling support they found a way to move forward together and got married. I asked them what they would say to other 40 something year olds who find themselves faced with the challenges of a second marriage and blended family. Here are their statements.
- Nobody ever wins with one person saying I am right
- You need to choose to be humble, to be a peacekeeper
- Ask yourself, what war am I fighting, a war with myself or with my family?
- Put away your pride
- If you are always wanting me, me, me then it will not work
- Lay down your sword and your armor and your right to fight to be be right
- Remember why you are with this person, what got you into the relationship in the first place?
- Let go, have forgiveness, be willing to say I am sorry
- Listen, its not just about talking, its about listening more
- Having decided you want to be with somebody, you’ve got to work together as a team
- You’ve got to make that decision, who is more important to you?
- “People have an easier time going to war than making peace” – Maya Angelou
- You’ve got to want to do something…changing what you do and how you do it
Contact us to find support to help you develop a shared way for your blended family.