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Forgiveness is NOT…

Posted on: Saturday, January 28th, 2012

If there is a skill that can help our relationships move forward, despite the reality that we will and do hurt each other, it is the skill of forgiveness. This can be a toughie if not well understood. We may think that we are being invited to agree with the wrong doing, or that we lose a moral advantage or even that we are no longer going to be able to see justice served.

In my role as a Calgary Marriage Counsellor I am faced with helping to clarify what forgiveness is and help couples apply this to the many hurts, sometimes infidelities or other forms of betrayal that have occurred. Forgiveness helps in every type of relationship: among siblings, parents and children, friends, roommates, acquaintances, co-workers etc

This section covers what forgiveness is not, next section will describe what it is and the final section will be on how to apply forgiveness to ourselves and others.

What Forgiveness is NOT:

1.     It is NOT Reconciliation with the person who hurt you – you don’t have to become best friends or even friends after

2.     It is NOT Forgetting the hurt or the pain caused

3.     It is NOT Condoning/Agreeing with the wrong that was done

4.     It is NOT Trusting blindly the person who hurt you – difficult when you are under the authority of someone e.g. coach, parent, leader

5.     It is NOT Denial of the reality of what happened

6.     It is NOT Rushed or forced but to be invited and waited for when you are ready

7.     It is NOT Dependent on the offender saying sorry

8.     It is NOT a Quick way out of the pain

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