Posted on: Thursday, March 18th, 2010
The number one topic of concern when couples call for therapy is ‘communication’. Several complaints tend to follow… ‘we start a conversation and it breaks down into an argument. It could be about anything’.
I have found the break down tends to be in five areas: Money, Sex, In-Laws, Parenting & Chores, in no particular order.
You may have guessed that these areas represent significant areas of interaction in a couples’ relationship especially when kids are present. What to do with money, how many times to have sex, not spending enough time with their in-laws, kids listening to one parent more and someone procrastinating about the chores. The list could be endless and very different for each couple. One set-up could be a problem in one relationship and yet works well in another. It’s the values behind the topic.
No matter what the problems are, you want to come out with three improvements.
• Talk about the topic of $, sex, in-laws, parenting and chores. No topic should be a non-topic. If it’s important enough for your partner, it’s important enough to talk about it.
• Come up with a system that works for both of you in each area. It could mean sex three times a week for one couple and three times a month for another.
• Ensure that the system you have come up with reflects sufficient amounts of what you both value and believe in. A blend of both, like a good coffee!